The Zapper!!!

As some of you may already know, I have an amazing ability to get myself into awkward social situations. Case and point, chatting up our hostel owners, Ed and Slavika, upon our arrival to Hvar. The owners were a Serbian couple who imigtated to Croatia in the 80's and now live in Sydney Australia for nine months out of the year. The other three months are spent managing thier villa on Hvar, not a bad life.

Both Ed and Slavika are very friendly people, so naturally I felt a little rude cutting the social banter short to discover the local beaches. At the time the only "out" I could think of was to say "we should sit down and have a meal together some time." Not thinking for a second that I was pretty much inviting myself over to eat. There was a pause and then Slavika quickly piped up "yes, we will go to the market and get some fresh fish tomorrow for dinner!" Nin made sure to poke fun at my self-invitation, and rightfully so... We were both preparing ourselves for a forced and somewhat awkward meal.

The next day went by quickly on the beach and around town. We bought some local wine and met our hosts for dinner around 7pm. The dinner was delicious and Ed seemed to approve of the wine, things were going well. The first foreshadow for the rest of the evening came as I filled Ed's wine glass for the third time. Slavika turned from here conversation with Nin and said "give him anymore and he'll be talking all night." she wasn't kidding.

Our role for the next five hours that night would be to sit, nod politely and try to keep up with whatever Ed was saying. Slavika put her elbow on the table, her head on hand and watched adoringly. It seemed she'd had some practice.

The conversation started with their daughters, then grandchildren, then cronic fatigue syndrome, then friends' grandchildren, then growth hormones, then grandchildren again. I give Nin alot of credit, she really did appear interested for the first two hours... But then we were introduced to the Zapper...

A few years ago Ed had done some research that would help him deal with cronic fatigue. He stumbled upon a Canadian doctor who had developed blueprints for an electric machine that kills viruses in the body and boosts immunity to illness. My ears were giggling, but I was crying on the inside as Ed pulled out his home-made contraption of wired components. Think Dr. Ho's massager meets car jumper cables. Basically he holds the positive charge in one hand, the negative in the other, and electrocutes himself!

By this point I realized we were paying the price for dinner. Ed, who turned out to be quite the philosopher, was happy to continually shock himself throughout his endless mutterings on religion and todays youth. All Nin and I wanted was two advil, a glass of water and the silence of our private little suite.